The Wife’s Secret
by Howard Hazeltine
If I pride myself upon any mental endowment whatever, it is upon that humble one of common sense. I live what is called by the intellectual people a conventional life. I have my pew in the neighboring church, and sit in it twice every Sunday. I know one captain in the army- just such a person as he should be-polished, and yet ferocious, gentle to ladies, but rather insolent to civilian males, boastful of his clubs, and giving all his leisure time, which is considerable, to the cultivation if his mustaches; but otherwise I am ignorant of the fashionable world and all its gay doings. I have made no endeavor to break through the gilded pale that separates it from the steady-going middle class to which I belong. I do not understand the feeling which prompts my superiors to be ashamed of being seen in an omnibus. Once every day I return from the city in a yellow one; and if it is wet, I use the same conveyance in the morning to reach my office. I pay tradesmen weekly. My best sherry is 48s a dozen; and when the captain talks vintage wines (as he will do by the hour at my table), I often wonder what he thinks he is drinking. However, with true good-breeding, he imbibes it in great quantities, as though it were the best. I do not keep a man-servant. Our cook cannot compass an omelette souflee. My wife trims her own bonnets. We have eight children, who all know the church catechism by heart, except the baby and the last but one. In short, a family more respectable and unfashionable than our own does not exist in all Bayswater.
Under these circumstances, it may be easily imagined that we are as free from the view of the great as we are without their privileges; and this was, I honestly believe, the case until within a very recent period. When I used to read in the papers that Lady Luctetia Day Coltay (of Norman ancestry and bluest blood) had left her… Read More