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The Magistrate Outwitted


It is necessary for the purposes of this narrative, that I should take the reader into custody, and carry him before Mr. Oldbeke, the stipendiary magistrate of a nameless city.

A police court is not a savory place at the best of times; but on a warm, wet, foggy November morning, when the great unwashed is present in unusual numbers, on account of the Irish row that has taken place the night before, and the atmosphere teems with odors, among which the concentrated essence of American overshoes and wet cotton umbrellas is the least offensive,—it is about as repulsive a spot as a good walker could find in a day’s march. Still, comfortless as is the accommodation, close and foul as is the air, there is that to be seen and learned by anyone who will keep his mind’s eye open, in a police court, which will more than requite him for what he may undergo in acquiring the information. The incident I have to recount is a very simple one, but still it conveys a lesson that may be useful.

Ha! silence in court! Here comes the magistrates. That kind-looking middle aged gentleman, who takes his place in the centre of the bench, is Mr. Oldbeke. Supporting him, on his right and left, sit two city justices. Below them, at the head of the table, where the attorneys who defend prisoners are assembling, sits their clerk, hotly besieged by a crowd of men, women, and children, more or less bruised and battered, who are applying for warrants and summonses. One by one the applicants come forward, and state their grievances. The first wants a warrant against her husband, for breaking her arm with a poker. The next demands a summons against John Smith, for kicking his (the speaker’s) little boy down stairs. The next seeks to take criminal proceedings against Anne Jones, for “using her shamefully” and is followed by Anne herself in the flesh (and very fleshy she is,) who makes a counter-… Read More