Making a Fortune

by Mark Twain

Samuel McF— was a watchman in a bank. He was poor but honest, and his life was without reproach. The trouble with him was that he felt that he was not appreciated. His salary was only four dollars a week, and when he asked to have it raised the President, the Cashier, and the Board of Directors glared at him through their spectacles, and frowned on him, and told him to go out and stop his insolence; when he knew business was dull and the bank could not meet its expenses now, let alone lavish one dollar a week on such a miserable worm as Samuel McF—. And then Samuel McF— felt depressed and sad, and the haughty scorn of the President and Cashier cut him to the soul. He would often into the side yard and bow his venerable twenty-four inch head, and weep gallons of tears over his insignificance, and pray that he might be made worthy of the Cashier’s and President’s polite attention.

One night a happy thought struck him; a gleam of light burst upon his soul, and gazing down the dim vista of years with his eyes all blinded with joyous tears he saw himself rich honored and respected. So Samuel McF— fooled around with a jimmy, a monkey wrench, a cross cut saw, a cold chisel, a drill, and about half a ton of gun powder and nitro-glycerine, and all those things. Then in the dead of the night he went to the fire-proof safe, and, after working at it for a while, burst the door and brick into an immortal smash with such perfect success that there was not enough of that safe left to make a carpet tack. McF— then proceeded to load up with coupons,… Read More